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This summer might be a record wedding season for our close friends. Love is in the air.
I’m excited to share the journey with our closest friends.
Having been married for four years, I’m inspired to share some of the marriage mistakes to avoid as newlyweds.
What you do as newlyweds really sets off the journey to building a life together.
Top 3 Marriage Mistakes to Avoid
Assuming everything will stay the same
Don’t assume that your individual relationships with your parents and siblings will stay the same.
For better or for worse, they won’t.
Marrying your beloved unites you and your spouse as one. The freedom of marriage is that you have a build-in partner who is helping build a life with you.
As you build that life, there will be times where your spouse won’t agree with your parents or siblings.
Their world-view won’t always be the same.
Honor your spouse while being considerate to your family that their opinions on your life should take the back seat.
You’re in the driver’s seat and are the only one who is responsible for your happiness.
You can your partner help direct your marriage to the highest and best outcomes.
To make the relationship change a little easier, it might be worthwhile to have a conversation with your family members about your upcoming marriage.
Opening up the conversation gives time to tell your family members what type of support you want from them while married (and what you don’t want).
Some ideas to consider are:
- Yes, I want encouragement on …
- No, I respectfully don’t want advice about …
- I will plan a time to see you after I talk to my spouse
- We’ll spend our first holiday season with …
It doesn’t have to be a tense discussion to be effective.
A gentle conversation around change can help remind your family members to be supportive in certain ways while letting you figure out life for yourself.
Change is hard.
During those times, the secret is to recognize it, talk about it, and devise a plan to work through it.
Calling out the boogeymen sometimes makes accepting change easier.
Related: 15 Minutes to Feeling More Empowered
Not thinking win-win
While dating, there’s always that tiny amount of doubt that if a breakup happened, it would be over.
Just like that.
The beauty of marriage is that it’s different.
You won’t have to ask yourself “What if we break up?” but instead ask, “How are we going to work through this together?”
Not thinking win-win is a major pitfall.
Don’t fall into the trap of taking what your partner does for you for granted. You may not always see what they are doing in the background to make your life better.
Coming to them with an open mind and heart can help you work through challenges like not knowing how to budget as a team.
When you work as a team, you start to see your situation as something you can work on together.
The distractions in your life goals start to become “them” if what they want from you doesn’t help you reach your goals.
The blame around who is causing the most issues should change as you use your respective best skills to achieve what’s important to your family.
That type of love is so much stronger than the “me versus you” dynamic too many couples (unhappy) use.
It’s kina like compound interest for marriage when you think win-win and work together. 🙂
Expecting family dynamics to be the same
Even the most long-term relationships change after marriage. Don’t assume that how you were raised is how they were raised.
It can take years of figuring out what your childhood family dynamics are versus the dynamics in your marriage.
It’s ok if they don’t jive as long as you both can work through the differences and reach a happy balance.
Some examples of this are:
- Deciding how to celebrate the holidays
- Traveling together
- Spending money
- Fighting fair
- Raising children
- Cleaning house
You’ll each have your “thing.” Wherever possible, indulge them in whatever their “thing” is especially if it’s important to them.
The marriage dance can include some tango and foxtrot in the same song.
Over time, you’ll find dance moves that blend the best of your respective families.
By putting together a small list of marriage mistakes to avoid, I hope that you will avoid some of the pitfalls of the early married life.
Marriage can bring immense joy, growth and happiness.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on marriage mistakes to avoid. Share your thoughts in the comments below.